just had a deliverance ministry today.. i should have responded to the altar call, esp when pst was asking for those with fear in their lives, or harbour suicidal thoughts, i missed it twice, last nite and today.. i'm too bogged down by pride.. and now i just don't feel a sense of relief.. i'm frustrated that there doesn't seem to be a breakthrough in my team, and i'm angry with myself that i'm not doing a lot about it, am i autistic or what? the leaders around me have been great, they are probably why i am still sticking around, believing that i can still make a difference, though my belief diminishes esp when i'm alone.. i almost felt as if i was going crazy last week, the hormonal imbalance that comes whenever i'm having menses just makes it worse, there are days when i feel that i'm just one step away from self-destruction.. gosh.. the sense of uselessness, of self-contempt weighs so heavily within me that it becomes difficult to wake to each day sometimes.. but i know that deep within me, my spirit man still hasn't give up, coz the internal struggle is so strong, so real.. i know what i have to do..
Shirley
birthed forth into this garden of illusions
on 19 Sep 1981,
loving but not believing in the stars,
and nv want to be found again
[ My Adores ]
Flowers, butterflies, beautiful things.. and my dear ^^
[ My Hates ]
My cowardice
[ My Wishlist ]
Happiness
Assurance
Able to go into the fire and come out refined like gold
[ My Mood ]
[ My Past Wishes ]
*July 2004
*August 2004
*November 2004
*January 2005
*June 2005
*August 2005
*January 2006
*July 2007
*January 2009